‘The Bachelor’ Season 19 Episode 8: Britt Meets Her Fate + Hometown Dates

Photo Credit: ABC

Photo Credit: ABC

Welcome to the second night of the two episode The Bachelor: Chris is a Farmer! extravaganza this week! Hope you got used to not having a life outside of watching three hours of The Bachelor every night!

This must be how it feels to be a fan of The Voice or American Idol.

HAHAHAHAHA, just kidding, I will never know what being a fan of those shows feels like.

Anyway: To catch you up on last night’s episode, we got to see Britt act like a super spoiled brat after not getting the rose on her group date with Carly and Kaitlyn.

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She had a completely inappropriate and disrespectful conversation with Chris – in front of Carly and Kaitlyn – testing him on the fact that she didn’t want to be second or third in her “future husband’s” eyes. When he wondered out loud if this made her feel that she wanted to go home, she called him on what he would say to her if she did decide that she wanted to leave. He looked visibly annoyed and left abruptly.

It was uncomfortable, awkward, and totally awesome.

Make the jump into the Iowa drama!

Becca & Chris, Having The Most Boring One-on-One Date Ever, Which For Chris, What Else Is New

So our episode opens on Becca and Chris having a very low-key one-on-one date. As in, they literally are just sitting on a couch and talking.

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Becca starts telling him about her previous relationship and that she’s never been in love with anyone. Chris asks how long she was with her previous boyfriend, and then apologizes if they’ve talked about this already:

Becca explains that she just didn’t see that guy as the father of her kids, blah blah blah.

Then they go up on the rooftop and watch the sunset and WE FINALLY SEE WHO THE MYSTERY WOMAN IS IN THIS WEIRDLY PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTO!

The Premiere of The Bachelor, Season 19: Chris is a Farmer! | AmberLCarter.com

I’m sure Becca was real happy with them giving her an extra 200 pounds in this photo ^ to mask the fact that it’s her in this one:

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Don’t Let the Rose Ceremony Door Hit Your Ass On The Way Out, Britt

THEN, we see all the other girls sitting around in the suite, talking about last night and wondering what Britt will say about last night. Britt tells them that she was actually just thinking about it and just got done packing her stuff. “I think I’m going to leave tomorrow night just before the rose ceremony.”

Jade says that she feels like it’s so crazy that “if if you feel like you guys have a really good connection one rose would change that for you.” Britt tells her that that makes it seem really petty. Carly’s raised eyebrows are screaming that it is. Jade, however, actually says out loud that ultimately “petty” is what it is.

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Britt immediately starts crying and defending herself by telling them that she told Chris that she wants to be his wife, that she had allowed herself to envision a life with him in Iowa, she wanted him to come and meet her family, “and then right after that conversation he hands it to someone else.”

In her heart, “that does not feel like” the man she wants to introduce to her dad the next week.

Carly tell her that she doesn’t believe her, because she notices that Britt will say something and then a few minutes later will say something else to contradict that. “Is there anything that he could say that could change your mind at this point?”

“No,” Britt says, quickly.

The girls test her on this, and Britt mentions that she’s going to talk to Chris tomorrow, and that there’s a realm of possibility that he could say something, and Jade jumps in with “you just told me that there’s nothing he could say,” and Britt makes this weak little defense that in her heart she’s going home tomorrow, she’s packed her stuff, that’s it.

SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST LEAVE NOW, BRITT? That’s why all the girls are calling bullshit. If you are determined to leave and there’s nothing Chris could say to make you change your mind, then you would be telling the producers that you’re ready to go, take me to Chris so I can say goodbye, that’s it.

Britt then tells the girls that she feels like they’re being antagonistic toward her and “this is a totally personal decision that I’ve made”, whine whine whine. Then she cries and tells the girls that it’s nothing against them and she really really loves all of them. This is Carly’s reaction to the “I really really love you guys”:

Then baby-voiced Whitney puts a point on it by telling us that she feels like, from night one, Britt has gotten everything she’s wanted, and in this last week she’s started to realize that there are other people here who are forming relationships with Chris and that those relationships might be stronger than the relationship than she has. “And you are beautiful. But looks aren’t everything. And I think she cracked.”

Britt leaves the suite to go cry out in the hallway, and the girls basically agree that if she goes home, none of them are going to be particularly sad about it.

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Whitney is packing for the Rose Ceremony, and tells us that she would really love to introduce Chris to her family, so not getting a rose tonight would be devastating. Jade tells us that she needs to tell Chris about her nude modeling at the cocktail party, because if that’s something that bothers him, then they do need to go their separate ways before Hometowns. Britt tells us that she needs to tell Chris that she just doesn’t think her heart’s in the right place to introduce him to her family. It’s absolutely crucial that she says goodbye before the rose ceremony, that it’s only fair.

The girls, for their part, know that one of the reasons why Britt wants to talk to Chris before the Rose Ceremony is because she knows that she’s probably not going to get a rose tonight, so she wants to eliminate herself out of the game before he eliminates her. Which, I mean…that might be a part of it, but I’m pretty sure that Britt thinks she would get a rose no matter what. I think it’s more that she wants him to beg her to stay and give her that pre-ceremony rose to make up for not giving her one on the date earlier.

But HAHAHAHA, Harrison tells them that there won’t be a cocktail party, that “this week has apparently given Chris some clarity and he knows what he needs to do.”

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Carly is THE BEST! She fake-shock says, “oh my gosh!” and stares at Britt, like, “Whaddya gonna do NOW?!”

When the Rose Ceremony begins, the girls are lined up at the Rollins Mansion, Chris comes in, begins to make his speech, and Britt interrupts him, asking if she can talk to him “for like two seconds?”…

He says of course, they walk out of the room, and immediately the other girls all start talking about how Britt just couldn’t wait through the rose ceremony and stand the chance she couldn’t get a rose, and that she wants to talk to him because she wants him to beg her to stay.

Britt tells Chris that she knows that she put him on the spot during the group date. Then she asks if he had anything to say to her about what she said, “because I feel like I talked a lot.”

And there it is. There’s Britt’s card, and she’s laying it out: You didn’t say the things you were supposed to say when I confronted you on the group date, so I’m hoping you’ve wised up since then and realized that you could lose me if you don’t tell me what I want to hear. 

Chris calls her out on putting him in a tough position – and Britt does this really weird smug smile thing, like she’s just waiting for him to apologize and give her everything she wants to hear – and then he says that she made him question a few things, and we see her eyes suddenly ice over and she asks, “What do you mean?” Chris tells her that there were a few instances where girls questioned her honesty, particularly her reaction to Arlington. Britt tries to interrupt him and defend herself, selling her story about the sunset once again, only this time Chris isn’t buying it. Britt asks Chris if it was Carly who said those things, and Chris tries to ignore her, so she asks again, and he blurts out, “Does it matter?” FINALLY CHRIS, YOU’VE LEARNED SOMETHING. Britt tells him that it does matter, that Carly has something against her and she doesn’t know why. Chris tells her that the way Carly reacted is something that he wants, and the way Britt reacted, the way she disrespected him and everyone else around them is something he doesn’t want for a wife. SO GOOD. He stands up and tells her that he’s going to walk her out. They hug, peck each other on the lips, and then he leaves her alone to cry in a driveway.

Everyone can hear her crying from outside, even the girls. Carly takes it a little too far, delighting in Britt’s pain. “I don’t feel bad for Britt at all…now the girl who’s the prettiest girl in the room who’s gotten everything she wants now knows what it’s like to be a normal person.” *hisses* “How’s it feel?

Which totally reminds me of a straight-to-DVD movie about a nerd girl who becomes insanely jealous of the popular, pretty girl who becomes her step-sister and works to ruin the pretty girl’s entire life. Which I will also write after this season ends and sell for a million dollars to Lifetime.

Britt, of course, is completely confused about why Carly would do mean things to her – “I thought she was my friend!” – and I kind of feel bad for her but not really, because maybe she really is that kind of girl who’s gotten everything she’s ever wanted and just assumes that everyone loves and adores her. Also, this is essentially a competition and you really shouldn’t trust the other girls until the show’s over.

(^ And we totally know that’s going to happen, don’t we)

After finally walking back into the Rose Ceremony, Chris tells the girls that Britt is gone, and thanks them for being honest with him about her. Then he hands out the roses, and guess who didn’t get one.

Poor Carly. Jade cries as she watches her leave, and the girls all say that Carly put on a brave face. But that face broke in the limo as she has a sob fest/pity party for herself. The limo confessions are tough to watch and you want the girl to stop feeling sorry for herself, but watching Carly’s, it struck me that it’s always a moment when a girl says the things that a lot of other girls think to themselves but won’t admit out loud.

The Part Where I Fly Through Hometown Dates Like I Never Have Before Because I Find All of Them Super Boring Except For Jade’s

So Becca’s first up for the hometown date, and when she sees Chris she runs and jumps into his arms, which prompts a bunch of tweets about how the running and jump thing is a huge Bachelor thing and yes, everyone finds it incredibly annoying.

Becca’s a little nervous about showing Chris a good time in her hometown, and sounds delighted when Chris mentions that it’s beautiful.

So they go out and do stuff like a canoe ride and hold hands a lot.

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Then they go back to Becca’s house, where we meet Becca’s family. In particular, we get to meet Becca’s sister, who reminds me of a sloth:

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And she throws Becca under the bus by telling Chris that Becca is pretty much asexual and has an aversion to intimacy and touching and that she’s pretty much going to be the worst bed blanket bingo partner that Chris has ever had.

I might be *slightly* exaggerating, but I’m not kidding on the whole aversion to intimacy and touching part. Like, she literally tells Chris that Becca is not “an intimate person.”

Then she corners Becca about being a virgin and what that might mean for the Fantasy Suite, and makes some weird allusion to a sugar donut being as much excitement as Chris is going to get.

Then Becca and Chris go on a ferris wheel and I think Becca may have told Chris that she was falling in love with him, but I don’t really remember because BORING.

Chris goes to Chicago to see Whitney, and she takes him to her fertility clinic.

She pranks him by making him believe that he’s going to get his sperm tested to see how many “soldiers” he has, and when she shows him into the “specimen room” there’s a bunch of Playboys on the table and EVERYONE in AMERICA makes the same joke about Jade being in one of those Playboys.

HAHAHAHAHAHA you guys are soooo funny maybe you should write for comedy or a TV show or maybe try to come up with an original joke that no one could see from a hundred miles away.

Then Chris and Whitney go to her house for dinner, and because Whitney doesn’t have any parents, we meet her sister and her uncle and her uncle cries about Whitney finding someone who makes her happy.

Then Whitney and her sister have the “please be nice to him and don’t embarrass me on national TV” talk, and her sister is all, “I’m not giving him my blessing”. Whitney’s all, “please don’t embarrass me” and her sister’s all “Get back to me after you dump those other girls, Chris” when he asks her for her blessing.

There was also something about Chris opening Whitney’s wine and the two of them watching a video of Whitney’s deceased father and them crying a lot, but again. Wasn’t really paying attention.

Oh wait, I forgot – Kaitlyn and Chris do a rap in a studio and it is THE WORST:

I mean, seriously? Could you not?

And we meet Kaitlyn’s weird mom and Kaitlyn and her sloshed mom use the word “heart” a lot…as in, “I can see that you heart him.”

WTF. Then Kaitlyn surprises Chris with a billboard that says, “Kaitlyn Hearts Chris.”

It’s really dumb.

THEN IT’S FINALLY JADE’S HOUSE.

Chris shows up in Nebraska, she shows him around town, then brings him home to meet her dad and two brothers. Her one brother looked like a dirtbag in the preview – “Jade’s a wild stallion”, but when Chris talks to him, he simply tells Chris that Jade is a free spirit and adventurous but super sweet, etc. Her dad basically says the same thing, mentioning that guys before couldn’t really “handle” her and her independent personality. Jade and her dad have a heart-to-heart, and I seriously tear up when her dad starts crying about how she deserves a really great guy who will love and accept her for everything she is. We should all have dads like Jade’s dad.

Then Jade and Chris are sitting around, and Jade decides to finally tell Chris that, when she moved to LA, she decided that she really wanted to be free and out there and that everything she would have normally said no to in Nebraska, she was going to say yes to in LA. Chris’ face is CLASSIC – you can totally tell that he’s thinking that she did porn or drugs. She tells him that she was approached by Playboy to pose nude, and she did.

Chris’ face looks visibly relieved…until she asks if he wants to see them.

Chris tells her that if it makes her feel more comfortable, then sure (Chris, WHY?). So she grabs her laptop, sits down next to him, and she pulls up her Playboy video.

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(And I gotta say: It’s not her best work. Her pictorial is much prettier). They watch it and Chris looks both uncomfortable yet also incredibly mesmerized, which makes the whole thing uncomfortable for all of us.

My favorite part was when he tells us that she “took her bottoms off”, which is basically the farmer equivalent to saying “pantaloons.”

When the video is over, Chris redeems himself by telling her that he doesn’t judge her for what she did in the past, and that it doesn’t affect the way he thinks about her.

BUT, I gotta say…poor move on Jade’s part. I just feel like…WHY. Just telling him about your nudes was totally enough…he didn’t actually need to see them, and especially not just after he met your family.

But she literally gives a huge sigh of relief that she finally told him and that his reaction was sweet and kind, so…while the rest of us can see doom ahead, in the moment, it’s nice to have an instance where doesn’t act like a total and compete douche.

The Rose Ceremony

Jade gets dumped at the Rose Ceremony.

The End.

(^ see, but it’s funny when we make fun of *Chris* when it comes to the nudes. I don’t know why…that might be entirely sexist of me in a roundabout way, but I don’t care)

Just kidding. It’s actually really sad, and Chris cries as he watches her go. I feel really bad for Jade, because you know she’s assuming that it’s her nudes that sent her home. And the rumor is that Chris was fine with it, but the moment his mom found out about it, she was like, No Way In Hell. Which I don’t know if that’s factual or not, but it doesn’t really matter in the end, I guess. I know that she won’t be picked because, at the end of the day, Bachelor Nation is more wholesome white bread America than anyone really likes to admit, but I really wish Jade would be the next Bachelorette.

At the very least, I really hope one of the awesome, good Bachelor alumni guys snatches her.

BUT NOT CHRIS BUKOWSKI.

YOU HEARD ME, CHRIS? YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER! YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!

Anyway, next week Kaitlyn, Becca, and Whitney go to Bali with Chris for the Fantasy Suite dates, and that means I’ll be making a lot of stuff up in my recap, because while I think Whitney and Becca are sweet and Kaitlyn’s growing on me, now that most of the drama-making girls are gone, BOY IS THIS SHOW GONNA BE BORING FROM NOW ON.

That is, until the Women Tell All…(omgIcan’twaitpleasemakeitthreehourssowegetallthegoodjuicystuff)

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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