What’s up, Bachelor babes! Hope you all had a good weekend (I myself had a VERY good weekend), BUT NOW THAT WEEKEND IS OVER AND IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF HARDCORE BACHELOR BADASSERY.
ON WITH THE LINX:
1) I included this in the Live Tweets Edition last week, but I’m just, like, gonna place it in this post just, like, in case you, like missed it.
(Thanks to Erin Gibson for the heads up on this one!)
If the next Bachelorette is “diverse” or “of color” as the producers of the show have more than hinted at, it’ll likely be Caila, who is Filipino; we know that statistically, they choose from the final four women on the previous season of The Bachelor in order to get the largest number of fans to rally behind their pick. That means Jubilee is all but for sure out of the running. That makes sense; it was a dream after all.
NO! I know there’s merit and truth to this, but I do not GIVE A SHIT about how The Bachelor has done it before. If anything, the franchise can no longer hide behind the old ways of the series, since they’re not even giving us the things that we actually like and have come to expect from the show anymore (actual romantic dates, exotic destinations, Bachelors who are rich and/or famous, etc). Besides…last season we had to deal with some real bullshit in that horrible 2-Bachelorette idea, so if they’re going to shake things up in that manner? It’s time to take a risk that actually matters. If Caila’s the next Bachelorette, I probably won’t even watch, because I find her incredibly annoying and I could really give a shit about whether or not she finds love or happiness. But everybody would watch Jubilee’s season, even if it was just to see if the franchise was right all along about who they think their demographic wants in front of America.
It’s time, Bachelor producers. You fucking picked Des because she was poor and homeless as a kid and had a super weird freaking family, and she was horrible and boring as The Bachelorette. You literally cannot pick a more sympathetic and interesting Bachelorette than Jubilee for your next season. If you’re looking for the largest number of fans to rally behind your pick, this is it, dum-dums. IT IS TIME.
Also: LOOKIT HOW PRETTY SHE IS
Thank you guys for all the love and support:) you guys are making this smile pic.twitter.com/cag3Upq3gz
— Jubilee Sharpe (@JubileeSharpe1) February 2, 2016
3) The Bachelor’s Courtney Robertson Still Hooks Up With Arie Luyendyk Jr.: We ‘Like to Make Out’
I mean. Get it, Courtney, but Arie kisses like a lamprey, so…
4) Broses Before Roses Podcast
I’ve been trying to give a listen to all the Bachelor-themed podcasts this season, but I’m a lil’ behind on my podcast listens in general (I literally have 50 Nerdist episodes that I’ve haven’t listened to yet, and that podcast gives me LIFE). But I listened to the Mexico episode by Broses Before Roses and I found it highly enjoyable, so you should also check it out!
5) Blast From The Past: Jason Breaks Up With Melissa on After The Final Rose
6) Who Wants To Be a Millionaire had a Bachelor Week last week AND WE ALL MISSED IT
Also, how did I not know that my husband is now hosting that show? (Probably because I willfully shut out any and all news about Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, because I hate gameshows). Anyway. The show hasn’t entered into the 21 Century in terms of offering back episodes on demand, so maybe you can just sit back, close your eyes, and fantasize about the Bachelor contestants’ answers?
7) A History of The Bachelor, By the People Who Lived It
GIMME ALL THE DISH
Thanks to my birthday this weekend (did you know it was my birthday this weekend? Yeah, it was!), I’m about to do a deep dive into this book AND I AM SO EXCITED:
You should deep-dive into it, too! And also, clicking this link and heading on over to Amazon to download this sweet, sweet, Bachelor-laden tome also helps support this blog + all the Bachelor-radness within, so thanks in advance for your support, and also let’s get together sometimes and start some kind of Bachelor-themed book club where we can obsess about this stuff while also feeling somewhat literary!
Listicale PLUS a podcast!
However, I take some MAJOR issues with the Listicle. First, I do NOT agree with Andi’s season being ranked so low – that season was SO hilarious and dramatic! Man scarves; catty male snipping between Nick Viall and everyone else; male stripping; A CONTESTANT DIED DURING THE SEASON – and second, just because a ton of viewers tuned into Trista’s season MEANS NOTHING – A) It was the first Bachelorette season ever, so of course people tuned in, and B) Did you actually watch that season? Because if you love being totally bored to death while Trista talks in a baby voice 75% of the time, be my guest to list it as #1. But otherwise, your criteria of what constitutes Snoozeworthy vs. Dramatic is confusing and frankly a little insulting.
10) Anodda Blast From The Past: Wife Swap: Sean Lowe & Jason Mesnick
AHHHHH I MISSED THIS WHEN IT AIRED AND IF YOU DID TOO NOW WE CAN WATCH THE WHOLE THING HERE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
12) The 12 Stages of Bachelor Addiction, According to a Celebrity Superfan
You guys will remember Jenny Mollen for being the co-host of Bachelor Live! for Bachelor In Paradise last season, and she’s also a big live-tweeter for the show (I feature her a lot in my recaps / live tweeting). I have mixed feelings about her – I think she’s hilarious, I enjoyed her role as a co-host, but she’s less than gracious when it comes to interacting with Bachelor Nation, which always makes me think twice about promoting her tweets or other stuff. But this article’s been hanging out in my Bachelor Bookmark Folder for long enough, so I’m just gonna share it here and let you make your own choices for your own life!
13) ‘The Bachelor’ Recap: The Rose Heard Round the World | Variety.com
I’m not in the business of promoting other people’s recaps of this show, but this one genuinely made me laugh and I liked it because it agreed with everything I also had to say about the show. So. I’ll allow it this one time.
14) The Bachelor Ep 5 Recap- A Guy’s Review
Okay. I’ll allow it twice this week, but only because this guy also makes me laugh out loud.
Alright, babes, I gotta get back to work on writing some real stuff. For more hot takes about love and relationships, check out my book ALL THE THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW, available on Kindle, Nook, and iBook (or PDF, if you ain’t fancy).
Also, if you’re looking for fun + fresh copy, strategy, or coaching (yeah. I actually do real stuff sometimes) for your next project, check out the newly updated creative branch of Flinguistics!
(Sorry, I’m not a star on a romance-themed Bachelor show where I get to make money just by showing up to some resort in Mexico where my only job is making out, so I gotta shill my own stuff in my own way, ALRIGHT?)
I’ll be out with the recap on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, so check back for that (or you can follow me on Twitter, keep up wit’ my Facebook Page, or subscribe to my once-a-week email newsletter instead of hoofing it over here every other day to see what’s up), and I’ll be creepin’ on all your live tweets tonight via my Bachelor Master List, which you can also follow. Until then, bachelor babes, keep it 100 on the hot tubs, bikinis, and wine-soaked tears!