‘The Bachelor’ Monday Link Buffet, Week 5!

OMG HI GUYS ARE YOU READY FOR THE BACHELOR TONIGHT OMG ME TOO

Check out the Live Tweets Edition from last week’s episode in case you missed it (though I don’t know how you would have, since I had to tweet about it A LOT) and last week’s recap if you need a lil’ refresher before tonight’s episode!

1) Jade Roper and Tanner Tolbert got married last Sunday!

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Photo credit: USWeekly.com

And we’re gonna get to watch the wedding on Valentine’s Day! Because isn’t that what we all want, on Valentine’s Day? To watch SOMEBODY ELSE get married??

2) The Perfect Letter by Chris Harrison is only $1.99 on Kindle Right Meow 

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Even though my husband wrote this book, I haven’t read it yet because I’m a starving writer still trying to make it to the big time, but maybe if you click on that link above and buy it or/and some other stuff, I might be able to earn enough affiliate commission from Amazon to buy myself a birthday present on Saturday.

Yeah. It’s gonna my birthday on the 6th. And since I’ve been on a sugar detox all month, I’m gonna celebrate by EATING CAKE ALL DAMN DAY LIKE A GODDAMN BIRTHDAY QUEEN, MOTHAFUCKAS.

3) Chris Harrison: The Reigning King of #BachelorNation | GQ Magazine
Speaking of my husband…

Also, dat photo.

Photo Credit: GQ.com

Photo Credit: GQ.com

4) Need a good laugh? Cool. So does this guy. 

Most weeks, “The Bachelor” is good for one or two great reality TV moments. At least, that is what ABC’s producers hope to generate when they shoehorn multiple dates into some portrait of a romantic situation rife with irony, skimpy outfits, and double entendre…

At this point, I found myself asking my wife if Becca’s match is out there. She seems to want someone who appreciates the sanctity of marriage as it relates to sex, but is willing to look the other way during two seasons of a TV show search for true love. If her dream guy is out there, he can’t be a fan of the show.

Or is he at home saying, “Becca, I know you already pledged your love to one man, and stood in a chapel in a wedding dress next to another, but it’s really the penetrative sex where I draw the line, so bring me your untainted heart to cherish.”

Oh boy.

5) Blast From The Past: Did the Bachelors and Bachelorettes Find Lasting Love? | Where Are They Now? | Oprah Winfrey Network

Rumor has it that Bob Guiney has gone down as the sluttiest Bachelor in history. Which, I mean…look at the guy. Embrace those opportunities as they come to you.

6) Straight Up With Stassi Podcast + Bachelor Recaps
If you’re like me and live at the intersection of The Bachelor and Vanderpump Rules on Monday nights, check out Stassi’s podcast. Each week she recaps The Bachelor on the thing, and sometimes it’s good and sometimes you’re reminded of how much you felt vindicated by everyone shunning her last season.

7) Kaley Cuoco Is So Obsessed With Bachelor Ben Higgins She Said She’d “Kanye” Him Onstage | Refinery29
I’m not the biggest fan of Kaley Cuoco – her ignorance about feminism was strike one (which also gives me a chance to share this excellent post from Mark Ruffalo about that), and her friendship with Ali Fedrosky is strike x billion. But she likes The Bachelor and especially Ben AND she had special Bachelor leggings made –

Photo Credit: @NormanCook via Instagram

Photo Credit: @NormanCook via Instagram

So I’ll give her a few forgiveness points here and just say that I’m begrudgingly warming up to her.

8) Meet the Man Who’s Been Spoiling ‘The Bachelor’ for Four Years
This is a month old, but who cares: Reality Steve, profiled by the NYT, everyone. If you’ve been reading my recaps for more than one season, then you know that I also have mixed feelings about him (like, cut it with the misogynistic sex-shaming tweets, will ya) but he’s sometimes funny and when I could care less about who the Bachelor(ette) is, his posts save me a lot of time.

9) Ellen & Ben Higgins!
I love both of them, and I especially love them having a conversation together.

For the record, though, I do NOT agree with Ben’s characterization of Caila as “sexy”. Caila is sexy the way a 12 yr old nerd girl who’s never frenched before and finally gets invited to one of Jessie Scofield’s Basement Makeout Parties is sexy.

10)  I have a new special Pinterest Board dedicated solely to The Bachelor/ette
also have a special Pinterest Board dedicated to Lifetime Original Movies and ‘Felicity‘, because I’m living my best life.

11) The Bachelor’s Ashley Salter Is Pregnant!
She’s engaged AND she’s showing! Congrats, Onion Ashley! Here’s another story on the happy news by US Weekly.

Photo credit: People.com

Photo credit: People.com

12) The Bachelor: 20 Seasons By The Numbers
Well this is entertaining. Also, you can pre-order People magazine’s special Bachelor issue on Kindle!

13) Bachelor Nation’s Erica Rose Is Pregnant
Her boyfriend/baby daddy’s name is “Galen Gentry”.

Photo credit: People.com

Photo credit: People.com

I mean. You could not have WRITTEN a more perfect name for the guy who impregnates Erica Rose.

14) ‘Perfect’ Ben Higgins Finally Reveals His Bad Boy Side | Celebrity Sit Down | E! News

15) The Bachelorette Couples: Where Are They Now? | PopSugar.com

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Lookit how dumb Ali looks.

//

I’ll be out with the recap on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, so check back for that (or you can follow me on Twitter, keep up wit’ my Facebook Page, or subscribe to my once-a-week email newsletter instead of hoofing it over here every other day to see what’s up), and I’ll be creepin’ on all your live tweets tonight via my Bachelor Master List, which you can also follow. Until then, keep it 100 on the hot tubs, bikinis, and wine-tears!

 

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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