The 2015 Fuck It List: #5. It’s Not Me, It’s You.

Back in 2014, I posted my 2014 Fuck It List based on and inspired by this most excellent post:

Welcome to my Fuck It list. Fourteen things I’m going to stop giving a fuck about in 2014. Because, as important as it is to push yourself to be a healthier, more compassionate person, that can be downright impossible. Refusing to give a fuck, however, isn’t just easy — it’s kind of awesome.

{Prehistoric Amber} The Fuck It List: 2014 | AmberL.Carter.com

So fuck it. Here are the fourteen things I’m going to stop worrying about come 2014.

– 14 Fucks I Refuse To Give In 2014

This year, I’ve made a list of 15 Things I Refuse To Give a Fuck About In 2015 (capitalized, because it’s IMPORTANT). But instead of trying to write and post a huge massive manifesto all at once, I decided to instead break my list down into bite-sized pieces.

15 Fucks I Refuse To Give In 2015

 

So literally the morning after I wrote the journal entry that would become #2 of The 2015 Fuck It List, I stumbled upon this little gem:

0ea4ba36dc9b054da4bb46156164b99f

I used to (and sometimes still do) take a lot of things personally. In fact, I was often mystified by the friends and acquaintances who declared that they don’t take anything personally. How is that even possible? It’s just wasn’t how my brain works. If you did or said something to or about me (or not, depending), it was fucking personal. To me, to tell someone “it’s not personal” was basically polite speak for “your thoughts and feelings and opinions in this don’t matter.”

(This might have had to do with the fact that I grew up with the very persistent belief that the world did, in fact, revolve around me. Even when I came to terms with the unbelievable fact that people who didn’t actually know all about me could still exist, I comforted myself with the consolation that their sole purpose in life, then, was obviously to serve as background extras in the Broadway play of Amber’s Wonderful, Musical, Tap-Dancin’, She-Ra Lovin’ Life.

You might think that’s funny, but my poor parents actually had to live through that until I was 10.

Okay. 19.

FINE. 30.)

And while I still don’t totally subscribe to the stance of not taking anything personally – there’s still something weirdly arrogant about that to me, plus it denies one an entire world of social learning based on people’s responses to you – it is really freeing to just finally decide to not let other people’s actions decide your self-worth.

Some people are able to float through life with an ever-constant high self-regard. And those people are often sociopaths, so for the rest of us, keeping our self-worth at a cool-to-be-me-and-you level is a lifetime maintenance type thang. When the self-worth is on the downward slope, it becomes easier to translate other people’s actions and words into infalliable pronouncements of how valuable we really are. For instance, whether or not that new person you just met at a party followed you back on Twitter: If they did, great – you’re obviously amazingly attractive with a sparkling personality and a quick, amusing wit. If they didn’t, shit – you’re obviously a slovenly-looking troll who talked too much and got super annoying and now they’re telling all their friends – and probably your friends, too – how much they never want to be at another party with you ever again.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned: Other people don’t know shit about you. My family almost never gets to see the public speaker or project manager side of me. My friends get a different “funny” than my blog readers do. Nobody knows about my charity and service work. People who follow me on Twitter don’t know that I love my baby brother so much that I am literally planning on moving across the country because, just in case someone cuts him off in traffic or turns him down for a role or breaks up with him or does anything to hurt him, ever, then I want to be within driving distance of LA so I can find them and kill them. Professional colleagues probably don’t know that if you’re my friend, I will have your fucking back to the very end. People on Instagram don’t have the first clue that I cry over everything because I have a dumb, soft, and melty heart that breaks especially for kids and pit bull rescues and friends going through a tough time and every single one of those goddamn Apple holiday commercials.

These are all things that I like best about myself, and they’re all things that build my self-worth, and there’s a lot of people who don’t know shit about one or even all of them.

Especially not the barista from a certain local coffeehouse who sneered over my t-shirt choice and then made me feel weird and awkward when I asked what the wifi password was.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is – even though I’ll still find it a bit impossible to rule out other people’s responses to me, in 2015, I’m done with letting other people’s actions or reactions define my self-worth. Easier said than done, I know. But it is really super freeing, when you just kind of decide that, until you hear differently, everything other people do is about them, not you.

YA HEAR THAT, BARISTA FROM A CERTAIN LOCAL COFFEEHOUSE? YOUR PRETENTIOUSLY SNOBBY STUPID FACE IS ABOUT YOU, NOT ME.

Also, fuck you. This t-shirt’s way cool.

//

 

Tell me: What do you refuse to give a fuck about in 2015? 

Pssst: Everyone who comments on any and all 2015 Fuck It List posts will be entered into a drawing to win a $15 Gift Card from Amazon. Because fuck not being able to buy that new Kindle book you’ve been eyeing.

If you like this post, please share it with your friends!Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Tumblr0Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest1Share on Google+0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

2 comments on “The 2015 Fuck It List: #5. It’s Not Me, It’s You.

  1. This is fantastic for many reasons, mostly though because I too am planning on moving to LA and even though we’ve never met I really think we’d get along and make awesome shit together.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *