The 2015 Fuck It List: #2. Friends Who Aren’t Living on the Two-Way Street of Friendship

Back in 2014, I posted my 2014 Fuck It List based on and inspired by this most excellent post:

Welcome to my Fuck It list. Fourteen things I’m going to stop giving a fuck about in 2014. Because, as important as it is to push yourself to be a healthier, more compassionate person, that can be downright impossible. Refusing to give a fuck, however, isn’t just easy — it’s kind of awesome.

{Prehistoric Amber} The Fuck It List: 2014 | AmberL.Carter.com

So fuck it. Here are the fourteen things I’m going to stop worrying about come 2014.

– 14 Fucks I Refuse To Give In 2014

This year, I’ve made a list of 15 Things I Refuse To Give a Fuck About In 2015 (capitalized, because it’s IMPORTANT). But instead of trying to write and post a huge massive manifesto all at once, I decided to instead break my list down into bite-sized pieces.

15 Fucks I Refuse To Give In 2015

 

2. FRIENDS WHO AREN’T LIVING ON THE TWO-WAY STREET OF FRIENDSHIP.

The 2015 Fuck It List | AmberLCarter.com

There are people who will greedily take your friendship for granted, who will assume that they always have your forgiveness even – especially – when they don’t deserve it. Those are often the very same people who are miserly in the giving of their own grace, who choose to hold grudges over the smallest of infractions, who stonewall with silence after the most well-intentioned of mistakes.

And those people are assholes, and you should stop being friends with them.

– A Facebook Status from December

Moving back to Minneapolis was really illuminating for me, in terms of some old friendships. I found myself carrying a lot of guilt, feeling like I had a lot to make up for when it came to rekindling and patching up those connections. Then, at the end of December, I realized with a start that there seemed to have been this unspoken expectation that, while I lived up north, our friendships were on hold until I was back in the cities (that is, unless I was the one who emailed them, visited them, and/or texted them every so often to see what they were up to). And now that I was back in the cities, somehow I was still responsible for doing all of the make-up work.

And you know what? That is really fucking unfair.

So in 2015, I’m done with expending my time and energy on friendships that don’t extend mutual energy back. This is not something I say lightly: I’m kind of the type who will hold on to our Facebook friendship long after we’ve stopped talking because I want to believe that leaving that door open will be worth it down the line. And you know what? I’m going to stop doing that. Forgiveness is awesome, but I also feel like keeping those doors open expends a lot of energy that I’d rather save for friends who care about how their actions affect others. Friendship isn’t always a booze cruise (or, depending on your experiences with booze cruises, maybe it is?) but when it gives you more Bad Feels than good, maybe it’s time to get off that fucking boat.

So many transportation analogies in this post! Friendship can also be like riding the bus, you guys – sometimes everything aligns and it comes on time and you make all your transfers and it’s a party bus instead of a Struggle Bus and when it’s time for you to get off that Friendship bus, you find yourself smiling warmly and waving goodbye to the bus driver and then walking those two block home, thinking about how public transportation is a really cool, earth-conscious, money-saving thing that you’re glad to have access to in your ‘hood.

Or, you swear that you’re never going to fucking put yourself through riding a scary bus ever again and you go out the next day and buy yourself a car.

ANYWAY.

The one caveat I will include is that if you have my friendship, then you already have my silent promise that if anything happens that makes me want to question that friendship, I’ll talk to you about it.

Because I’m an adult, and communication is how you solve shit.

(Which also means that if our friendship is broken and you’re doing the thing where you’re backing away slowly instead of extending the basic courtesy of Why, then that’s also bullshit and you should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously, why is this okay? The whole “they’re just supposed to know why we’re not friends anymore” is just as junior-high with friendships as it is with break-ups)

Here’s the keeping my side of the Friendship Street clean in 2015. Be gone, friends disguised as foes! Drop thy cups and make haste for the nearest street! Thine rooms are required for new boarders, and your bill of stay hath run too high!

Yeah, I’m currently reading a novel set in Elizabethan England. It’s pretty cool.

//

 

Tell me: What do you refuse to give a fuck about in 2015? 

Pssst: Everyone who comments on any and all 2015 Fuck It List posts will be entered into a drawing to win a $15 Gift Card from Amazon. Because fuck not being able to buy that new Kindle book you’ve been eyeing.

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

8 comments on “The 2015 Fuck It List: #2. Friends Who Aren’t Living on the Two-Way Street of Friendship

  1. I’m done giving a fuck about not having my house decorated and looking like a showroom. There are no pictures on the wall, the walls have paint swatches on them. It’s the way it is. I can’t decide and I’m not spending money for what I don’t know I want. If you make comments about my house then you can chose not to come over anymore and if you think my floor is dirty than for God sakes clean it up if it bothers you.

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