Jason DeRusha: Giving Up the Goods.

In a surprising admission today on Mnspeak.com, WCCO reporter and local poster boy for the Minneapolis nerd-herd Jason DeRusha admitted to various behaviors that would cause one to wonder: Do we even know this man at all?

“I’ll give up the goods right here,” typed off DeRusha, his cocky tone saturating every word. “Sometimes I don’t wipe down the sweat off the [fitness] machines. And sometimes I sing along to Game Show themes and broadway musicals. I also walk around my house totally nude, but just try to get any of my Maple Grove neighbors to go on record complaining about that. They love it.”

These admissions were made in light of a recent hard-hitting expose on local politician Al Franken, published today by City Pages. Reporting on Franken’s odd and erratic habits at his resident fitness center, the article caused uproar in the community and allegations that City Pages might possibly want to spend time on something that’s actually newsworthy.

Knowing the type of witch-hunt that was sure to come knocking on DeRusha’s door once they were finished with Franken, DeRusha attempted to cut them off at the pass. “I hope none of the people at Lifetime Fitness call CP and report about my workout habits,” he wrote, blatantly attempting to satiate the community’s desire for salacious details with tidbits of his unsanitary workout habits as well as his shocking moral codes. One might think this is merely throwing the pit bull a bone, in hopes that it will distract from the bodies buried in the backyard.

It is unsettling, of course, that a pillar of the community feels entitled to ignore standard health codes while working out at their local fitness center. One would speculate that this paints local TV celebrity DeRusha as a rude, inconsiderate fitness jerk. “Dude, that’s gross,” said one reader, who was interviewed on the basis of anonymity. “After sweating and grunting all over those machines, and then you don’t even wipe them off?! I find it interesting that he’s so lazy even when he’s at the gym.”

Others had more of an issue with DeRusha’s choice in musical serenades. “Game show tunes?” asked Spencer Lionheart, a local graphic designer and Harlequin Romance model. “Man, I know people who hum the theme to The Price is Right at work all day. That shit is fucking annoying. What a jerk-off.”

The biggest shocker of all, of course, was DeRusha’s blatant public nudity. “Doesn’t he have a kid?” queried anonymous source. “Isn’t he afraid he’s going to scar that kid for life? I mean, I saw my dad naked once, when I was three, and it’s a sight I can never forget, no matter how much I try.”

“I think something like that would be hard to ignore,” pointed out Mary Thespian, a 37-yr-old fashion consultant for the Dress Barn. “If I were sitting in my living room, minding my own business, maybe watching a little bit of America’s Got Talent!, and I see some TV reporter walking around his living room in the nude? Sure, it would make me a loyal viewer of WCCO news, but at what price?”

In the end, it appears that all DeRusha did was create more fervor, more curiosity to discover just who he really is. Yes, we already know Jason DeRusha as a man who does controversial exposes on fainting goats, who explores the plight of dinosaurs trying to survive a thunderstorm, and who blows the lid off of scientific findings concerning how coffee breaks increase productivity. We are also well aware that on the screen, he comes off as warm and witty. Some in-the-know internet pioneers are also aware that he presents a delightfully dry and sarcastic internet persona. Yet due to today’s startling confessions, one cannot help but wonder, however, if deep down lurks a man of mystery, a man who is, at best, an enigma…

Written & Published August 14, 2007

 

BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL COMMENTS ARE WORTH IT:

 

11 comments:

  1. I knew that comment was going to get me in trouble.

  2. I’ll take it down if you want me to, but I just couldn’t resist…

  3. OMG that was a fantastic post, Amber.

  4. No– you have to keep it up. It’s too funny. Let this be a warning, though. This is what happens when Amber sits at home sick all day… 🙂

  5. I’ll pay $100 to any of Jason’s Maple Grove neighbors who can pony up the money shot.

  6. I actually laughed out loud. People stared at me in the coffee shop.

    Nice work, Amber — making me look ridiculous in public….

  7. Sweating and groaning over something and not wiping it off when you’re done?

    Sounds kinky.

  8. JASON DeRUSHA EXPOSED!

    Great post, Amber!

    ALAMN Bob

  9. I found it you lil bitch you….

    He left a comment on your myspace….

    I am a fuckin’ genius…boy…would I like to know what is locked into his private myspace page….

    hmmmmm

    The King….

  10. Hilarious!!! Onion-worthy even…

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