{Prehistoric Amber} Happy Birthday, Karah!

(Author’s note: This literary masterpiece was originally published on November 10th, 2008, but since it’s Karah’s birthday today, I thought I’d dig it out of the archives and revive it just for her. Happy birthday, friend!) 



Happy birthday Karah
You are one of my best friends
Our friendship is one that will never end
At least, not on my part.
Hopefully you won’t get really mad at me and stuff
and decide to end it.
That would suck.

Your birthday is close to Halloween
Which I think is really keen.
My birthday is close to Groundhogs Day.
Not as cool.

I like the little stomping dance you do
when you drink a vodka shot.
And when you wear tight shirts? You look super hot.
You’re a good dancer and you debate like a pro
It makes me wanna be more like you
Fo’ sho’.

You like to swig Hamms and of sports you are fan.
I only really like sports if I have a Hamms in hand.
Watching football with you is fun, though.
You yell really loudly, like “FUCK YOU, MAN”
while I just smile and nod and pretend like I know you’re talking about.
(I don’t)

This is your birthday poem.
I’m sorry it’s so late!
I started working on it a month ago,
But slipped from me, the October and November dates.
I was busy with stuff.
That’s no excuse!
So when you see me you can beat me rough
But only if we have some beers when you set me loose.

So happy birthday to you, Karah
Crack-a-lactin’ like Safe Actin’ Tinactin.

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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