This year, I made an inside resolution to post more Instagram selfies in 2016. I found myself loving the selfies everyone else posted of themselves and craving for more, but cringing when it came to the thought of actually doing it myself. First: I hate the word “selfie”. Second, I always feel dumb and a little vain taking photos of myself, much less posting them…I think it’s a generational thing, the gentle cusp that keeps the back-end of Generation X and the front-end of the Millennials apart. But more recently, I realized that it was more insidious than that – I just didn’t feel great about the way I looked. I feel like the years are suddenly catching up to me, that I don’t look as young and fresh as I used to, and I feel like my forehead is actually getting higher, if you wanna know the truth, which bums me out because that means I might need to try bangs and hair on my face is, like, the most annoying sensation ever.
BUT. I’m trying to ignore all that jazz and concentrate on the moments when I do like the way I look, and celebrate them, because the lesson we learned from badass Carrie Fisher this last week is that beauty is lucky, temporary and fleeting, which means two things to me: 1) I want to be grateful for how I look now, and document it, because I always look back and note that I never *felt* pretty at the very prettiest times in my life, and I wish I would’ve taken more pictures at those times, even just for prosperity’s sake. 2) In the end, all we’ll have is what’s on the inside. And I want the kind of inside that is kind and deep and true and warm and strong and wise…and it’s hard to get there unless you love and appreciate all of yourself.
So I’m trying, one selfie at a time – starting with no makeup, my hair up in my “but I’ve been writing all morning” ponytail, my permanently bemused expression, and no filter – even if I have to hurry up and post it before I change my mind. I think someday I’ll get to the point where I’m Kim Kardashian comfortable (Komfortable?) with the selfie game. Until then: Hey, what’s up, it’s Wednesday and here’s what I look like without any makeup.