It always takes me so long to get going on mornings like this. I always have this vision of myself slipping into the shower and then miraculously gliding out to my laptop with a great outfit on and hair and makeup all done up, breakfast waiting for me on the table, etc, and all of it happening in 10 minutes flat. Only I fail to remember my ADHD when it comes to morning prep, and two hours later, I’m sitting here with wet hair, no makeup on, my empty stomach growling, and a million other “wait, stop what you’re doing because you should do this FIRST!” swirling around in my head.
So. Y’know. Just a lil’ morning fact about me…
My plane touched down in Portland, OR, on Wednesday, and I spent the rest of the day in a sort of euphoric cloud of gratitude to be back. I had the BEST time in Maine with my family…it was literally a wish come true (after spending a week with my family over Easter a year or two ago, I distinctly remember writing in a journal entry about how I wanted to make a zillion dollars so I could just buy a huge house where all of us could live so we could always hang out and just spend every morning going for coffee and bagels together…and Maine was like a mini-realization of that). And after I left Maine, I hung out in Minneapolis for a few days with my Best Friend Foreva, Katy, which was also so great…we spent our time laying around (literally) and watching reality TV together, which is, like, *our thing*, and now that I live in Portland, we don’t get to do that very often and so it was The Best.
Yet I was also excited and kind of anxious to get home. There was this small little fear – totally irrational and weird – that after hustling so hard in August to make the move from MSP to PDX happen, I would be stranded in MSP for weeks on end, my home in Portland now just a mirage, a really great dream I got to live in once. It was the same underground-panic I had coming back from England so long ago…that something would happen to prevent me from getting to Chicago and back to Hansel.
I guess it’s how I know I love something.
But I got back safe and sound, and took the train from the airport to the Starbucks in Pioneer Square, where I tried the Halloween-themed, limited-edition Starbucks drink, the Frappula…
…and tried to ignore this gym-bro who literally yelled every word he spoke, and waited for Dave and Larkin (who had arrived the night before for an extended visit) to bomb downtown and pick my hot ass up.
That night we hung out in the Cellar Bar below McMenamin’s Ringlers Annex, then crossed off a PDX Bucket List item of mine by grabbing Blue Star Donuts the next morning –
…and then that night we all perched on the edge of heart attacks as we watched the most intense and thrilling MLS playoff match ever between the Portland Timbers and Sporting Kansas City –
…(literally: There was a historic penalty shoot-out at the end that ended up being the most insane thing ever). We sat with the Timbers Army, which was an experience. Here’s what I learned: The Army is fucking awesome and dedicated and to have a force like that behind a team is a righteous thing, but it’s maybe a little too intense for me. I fully knew the expectations placed on those who sit with the Army, but I’m also not interested in watching a bearded asshole bully the people around me because they’re not standing up and cheering when he thinks they should be. So…I guess what I’m saying is, regular section seats are okay, too.
This weekend I ended up not feeling well, which was lame. I always seem to get sick around Halloween, which of course is my favorite holiday ever, and so it drives me crazy. When I’m sick, I kind of turn into a dying cat…I just want to crawl into a dark hidden corner and be alone. Which also bummed me out since Larkin is in town and it sucked to miss out on adventures with him and Dave, but I managed to self-soothe by doing some hardcore chilling + reading a billion scary stories in honor of Halloween + finishing up some writing, and today I feel back to my old self again.
Which is good, because today is the start of something new. A little after midnight last night, I effectively closed down the Amber L. Carter online bookshop, changed some of my profile + cover photos on my social media accounts, and will spend a coupl’a hours today changing up links and pages and the like on the ol’ website. It’s also officially NaNoWriMo season, which is just so perfect right now…I’m really looking forward to a month jam-packed with some furious, legit fiction writing.
Oh yeah, and this weekend I stumbled onto this video, which I ended up watching on repeat. Am I the only one who has a hard time reconciling Selena’s grown-up singing voice with her baby face? And also, I never realized before that she’s actually a really good singer, mainly because I’ve pretty much spent no time caring about her generation of Disney stars. But that video then led me to watching a bunch more of her videos, plus some of Justin’s, which was delightful because they basically don’t even try to pretend that their songs + videos aren’t about each other! And even though I’ve literally never even cared about whether Justin and Selena were together or not, now I’m all, “Where does this video fit in the timeline of Jelena’s relationship? Like, this video makes it seem like Justin really does love her but just can’t get his shit together, but then you watch this other one and it’s like, “GURL! You in trouble, girl! He ain’t never gonna give you what you need! Listen to T. Swift and MOVE. TF. ON!”
However, it was a lil’ (okay, a lot) disturbing to realize that I actually thought Justin looked kind of hot in some scenes of this video (skip over the lame “This is really a film!” bullshit and go straight to the bedroom scenes). It’s probably just the new hair. And also the buff shirtless stuff. And also the fact that I’m kind of in this period where I’m sort of mourning the freedom and angst of my early twenties when you could be in a bullshit relationship and waste a bunch of time wrestling with your feelings but in the end also push just them all away and have hot make outs with your platinum-tipped hot-but-kind-of-dumb boyfriend because you still have your whole life ahead of you and so none of this is really going to matter, anyway!