How To Make a Turmeric Spice Latte If You Like Drinking Things That Are Gross

Now that it’s fully Pumpkin Spice Latte Season (otherwise known to Norms as “Fall”), there’s a lot of different food and health + wellness blogs that want to offer “healthier” or “more organic” alternatives to the Pumpkin Spice.

But this is ridiculous. Pumpkin Spice already comes from PUMPKINS, which is fruit or a vegetable or at least some kind of thing that grows out of the ground, so it’s like…how much healthier can you get, right?

Anyway. This past year, diet and wellness blogs have been going crazy about Turmeric Spice and its powerful anti-inflammation properties. I already use Turmeric Spice a lot while cooking – it’s a great spice to jazz up chicken breasts when you’re rocking the rice + chicken + broccoli type dinners – so I didn’t really feel like I was missing out on the benefits of it. However, I am also a sucker for awesome lattes that you can make at home, so when I started seeing a bunch of Pinterest and Facebook posts about Turmeric Spice Latte, I decided to give it a whirl.

So the first step is A. Procure the type of milk-like product you wish to use. If you want to use full-fat whole milk, go on wit’ yer damn self and know that you are one of the luckiest people in the world for being able to drink whole milk without any issues, because that shit is luxurious and wonderful when it comes to coffee drinks.

If, however, you are like me and it’s just best to stay away from dairy milk for both the comfort of yourself as well as those around you, then I highly suggest hunting down Silk’s AlmondCoconut Blend. I like the taste of coconut milk, but it just doesn’t have enough thickness to it to do any decent foaming action with when it comes to lattes, and I’m not a fan of almond milk because it always tastes just a little too waxy, but combining the two provides just the right taste and consistency.

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Also, sidenote: Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf offers a coconut almond milk choice for their lattes, which is AMAZING and it saved my dietary life when I was in L.A. last year. So if you want to see a coffee shop do it right with this, I highly recommend trying it the next time you’re by a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf (hint for midwesterners: There’s a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at the MOA…it’s connected to the lowest level of the mega Forever 21).

Anyway. I like to get the Original because it has less sugar, but if you feel like you can still roll the dice on your metabolism, then goddammit, keep living life to the fullest and get the Vanilla flavor.

So your next step is to pour yrself a 1/2 cup of whatever milk-varital you’ve chosen for yourself.

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Pour that into a saucepan, and turn your burner on low/simmer.

Then, you’re going to add one teaspoon of Turmeric Spice. Try your best to procure the best quality Turmeric Spice you can find – if you’re using it for the health benefits, then you’ll want to make sure it’s the highest grade of spice you can afford. Tip: Trader Joe’s has a really good, quality one that’s not going make you poor as fuck (I think it’s around $4.99?).

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Add that to your milk-variatal.

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Then you’re gonna whisk it.

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Just whisk it!

Then you’re going to add a teaspoon of coconut oil. This will add a creamy consistency to your latte, and if you’ve heard of Bulletproof Coffee (which is awesome, btw – you can either buy it as straight-up coffee beans, or you can add a tbsp grass-fed butter and a spoonful of coconut oil to your coffee every morning and blend it together), then you know that adding coconut oil to your coffee drink helps tone down the acidity while adding a variety of health benefits.

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Action shot!

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When everything is good n’ mixed, pour the mixture into a tall cup, and add your espresso (regular coffee totally works, too…I just happened to pick up a sweet lil’ espresso machine on one of my many travels and so it’s now important to me to make sure you know that I use espresso vs. coffee so you’ll think I’m fancy).

ALSO: As a tip, maybe stay away from any white porcelain cups when doing the Turmeric Spice Latte thang, cause Turmeric can stain.

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Then, I like to use the milk frother I got from IKEA to add the latte consistency. You can also use an immersion blender if you’re RICH, or just stir it reallyreallyreallyreally fast with a spoon while you try not cry from the fact that you’re poor.

And then, the taste-test, which I captured on camera as a witness and testimony:

I’m hesitant. It doesn’t smell rich and creamy. It smells like Indian food that I’ve added milk to .

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But I bravely go for it, anyway. For YOU. FOR YOU, I GO FOR IT:

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That is not the face of pure, Pumpkin Spice Latte enjoyment. That is the face of someone who grew up in Minnesota and learned to still look polite while she was in the midst of tasting something completely awful.

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That is the face of “Hmm. I didn’t want to die from drinking that, but I also wouldn’t look forward to it.”

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Eh.

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Anyway. The verdict? It wasn’t horrible, and I’ve seen some recipes around that have stuff like nutmeg and cinnamon and ginger added to it, which might make it better, but I’m probably never gonna make this shiz again.

You can, though! And then post some pictures of you tasting it for the first time so I can feel vindicated in all of my tastes and choices.

#PumpkinSpice4Eva

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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