Halloween costume round-up, because I haven’t gotten married or died yet and thus haven’t gotten to have an amazing slideshow of my most adorable baby and childhood moments, so I get to make up for it by doing stuff like this.

Originally Posted October 31, 2012:

If you know me at all or have ever read this blog, then you know that I love Halloween. And I especially love Halloween costumes. My favorites are always the play-on-words, mainly because they’re clever, cheap, and easy.

Like me.

But first, let’s take it back to a time when I was super adorable:

Halloween when I was 2

 

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I could wear this Native American costume because I, too, am Native American. Just to, you know, calm any concerns out there about my political correctness when I was FOUR.

trick or treat Halloween devil and ballarina

I still like to do my blush like that sometimes.

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And then there was the best childhood costume of all, when I dressed up a “Glacier Monster”:

Glacier

Just kidding. I was just really, really ugly that entire year.

Hike school! This is the only Halloween picture I have of HS:

Halloween4

You can almost see the corruption starting here, as I dressed up as a mentally-unstable cheerleader, mainly just so I could look super ugly for my game that night and piss off my cheerleading coach who hated me for having – get this! – “a negative attitude.”

And then I became an adult:

Hispanic Girl Gangsta –

Halloween with Jamie

Yeah, yeah, I know, this costume was ripe with awful stereotypes but it was also 1999 and we barely had the internet and therefore there weren’t any Gawker articles to tell us how to think and so none of us knew any better.

2 Girls 1 Cup:

PICT0011

Betty White’s Box (hanging with that clown, Jason DeRusha):

Image10212010185844

50 Shades of Grey:

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Missing, of course, is a picture of my Douchebag (a black garbage bag with douche products taped all over it) costume. I think Karah is the only one who has pictures of that costume, and she’s not givin’ ’em up.

Oh, and last year’s Pin-Up Girl costume. Which was really just code for, “I’m depressed and I have to wear a dress anyway tonight, so…”

Well, I have to go now! I have to go to this women’s Halloween happy hour thing in Cable with my mom at the Natural History Museum where every woman has to bring a bottle of wine and appetizers so that there’s plenty to choose from when, say, you’re trying to awkwardly escape the dozen or so “Soooo…you’re back in town, huh?” a.k.a. I-know-you-broke-up-with-that-guy-you-moved-back-down-to-the-cities-for-and-I-wanna-hear-all-about-it-but-maybe-I’ll-just-ask-your-mom-about-it-later themed conversations.

Super excited!

[Editor’s Update for 2013]

White Trash:

2013-10-26 18.40.16

(The maxi pad is my favorite part.)

Posted October 31, 2012, revised October 28, 2013

 

This post is featured in THINGS THAT HAPPENED: 10 YEARS OF AN AMBER COLORED LIFE, VOL. 2, available for purchase until Nov. 1st. Read more about it here, see who’s in it here, or order here

always read the comments

Kevin Watterson7:24 PM, October 31, 2012
Glacier Monster looks more like Tom Kelly.

Amber11:02 PM, November 01, 2012
Thanks, Kevin.

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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