Bachelor Monday Link Buffet: Week 10!

OMG, ya guys. Are you ready for the BIGGEST Monday Link Buffet YET?

Cause there’s a lot of Bachelor-themed shiz that came down the pipe this week, and we need to talk about ALL OF IT.

1) Reality Steve / US Weekly “leaks” that Caila is the new Bachelorette

Here’s how it happened: An “eyewitness” sent these snaps to Reality Steve:

And then US Weekly also received an “eyewitness” heads-up that Caila was the next Bachelorette.

(When he’s smug like this, EVERY CELL IN MY BEING wants him to be wrong)

And me?

I call bullshit.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I have a really hard time believing that The Bachelor franchise would be so sloppy as to film an intro package with Caila out in a public place – where people are obviously going to see + tweet about it – if she was already locked in for The Bachelorette.

First, they’ve done multiple intro packages before – for example, Arie and Nick were also reported to have shot one after their seasons – which has thrown off the press before. Second, that looks like a super shitty intro package, and The Bachelorette likes things to look pretty, so either they’re rushing to throw the press off or they’ve got something else up their sleeves. Third, everyone wants to talk about how “historically, The Bachelorette is the third girl eliminated” etc etc etc. Yeah, *historically*…but the last Bachelorette season started out with two girls, which has never happened before…and even though that was kind of a disaster, the franchise still refuses to acknowledge that it sucked, so I feel like our best bet is to stop relying on what the franchise usually does.

I also feel like, now that US Weekly and Reality Steve have “confirmed” that Caila is the new Bachelorette, the franchise could take a LOT of glee in continuing to “leak” tips in that direction, only to later announce/change their minds with someone completely different (like JoJo or Jubilee). It’s no secret that there’s a lot of contention between ABC and Reality Steve, and there could be a lot of joy and satisfaction to be had in eroding viewers’ confidence in Steve’s future “spoilers”.

Anyway. It could be Caila – I’ve been wrong before, but pretty, rich, half-Persian (diversity!! Okay, not really)) JoJo is pretty much The Bachelorette‘s wet dream – but MAN would I be so excited for ABC to be all “IN YOUR FACE, STEVE! You SUCK, STEVE! You were WRONG AGAIN, STEVE!”

And you know what Reality Steve will do? Tell us all about how it wasn’t his fault. Cause he gets to take credit + profit when the spoilers are right, but when they’re wrong? Totally not his fault, you guys!

Speaking of Caila:

2) The Bachelor’s Caila Reveals Why She Surprised Ben (and the Secret to Her Gorgeous Hair)

I really only care about the hair stuff.

3) Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ Brother Jordan to Appear on New Season of ‘The Bachelorette’

This is fun.

And you know who would be perfect for Jordan?

NOT CAILA.

(JoJo. JoJo would be perfect for Jordan, because you just look at that girl you know she’s gonna marry a professional sports person. That body deserves it.)

4) Emily Maynard has a new book out! 

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As most of you know, Emily Maynard is my favorite Bachelorette of all time (Andi and Kaitlyn are closely tied for second) so this is VERY EXCITING FOR ME.

think I need to start a Bachelor-themed book club.

Also, MPLS-local peeps, Emily Maynard is going to be signing books at the MOA on March 11th. Let’s organize some kind of get-together where we all get our books signed and then go out for sushi or something.

5) Emily Maynard is a guest on this week’s “Here To Make Friends” podcast

YAYAYAYAYAYAY

6) Andi Dorfman ALSO has a book coming out! 

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It doesn’t come out until May 10th, but.

I mean. It’s her JOURNAL. I LOVE reading people’s journals! It’s pretty much one of my favorite things in the entire world, reading other people’s journals!

7) Andi was ALSO a guest on the “Here To Make Friends” podcast last week

She was on there to talk about Hometown dates, so this is a lil’ old (AGAIN, I’m SORRY that I was too busy hanging out with one of my best friends to get the Bachelor Monday Link Buffet done on time, OKAY? I was BUSY living LIFE away from THE BACHELOR! I deserve happiness and my own amazing journey sometimes too, OKAY???)

Anyway, I love her.

8) Ali Fedotowsky acts like we care what she thinks and demands that we still consider Ben a good person because SHE’S met him and thinks that, so. 

You literally arranged for a producer to call you at 5 AM so you could have an escape route from the Fantasy Suite with Chris? That’s actually pretty shitty.

9) With Two ‘I Love You’s, Bachelor Ben Actually Broke All the Rules, and Everyone Flipped

I’m loving Kate Dries’ recaps on Jezebel this season, but I really loved this one because it sort-of kind-of alluded to the fact that Ben might become the new Juan Pablo but for the entire opposite reason:

Of course it didn’t hit me till the next day what that meant. Not that I loved Lauren, but that I had confirmed it in my heart and let her know about it. It means that if I wasn’t feeling that for these other women, I could no longer keep them here. I would need to end this thing earlier than I had anticipated and propose to Lauren whether the producers had a TV show to make or not. I owed these women that much and if that was where my heart was, the rest would just have to fall into place.

Here’s a lil’ tip: While the producers gave Chris Soules a lot of leeway to decide what he wanted to do during his season, the only decision that really worked out for the season’s benefit was the 2-for-1 Of Doom, when Kardsashley and Black Widow Kelsey were both dumped in the Badlands. Chris’ decision to sneak away with Brit for the Big & Rich concert while the other girls sat and waited on the group date was actually the turning point of when people stopped tolerating how dopey he was and started to out-right hate him (me, included). So while the producers give some autonomy, I feel like they’re not fans if those decisions look to be selfish and self-serving when it comes to how he’s treating the girls. So it’s gonna be really interesting to see how this all plays out in the end.

Speaking of Black Widow Kelsey:

10) (Old but still amazing) ‘The Bachelor’ Star Kelsey Poe ‘Disgusted’ By ‘Low-Life Girls On The Show’ — Insults Would Make Her Dead Husband ‘Turn In His Grave’ | RadarOnline.com

11) Kaitlyn Bristowe & Shawn Booth Are Holding Off Their Wedding Plans | WetPaint.com

I’m kind of obsessed with their Instagram and SnapChats, and I legit can’t wait to see them get married just because you know they’re going to have the coolest wedding of Bachelor history, but I also think it’s great that they’re waiting.

12) ICYMI: ‘The Bachelor’ Amanda’s Ex-Husband Defends Himself: ‘I Have Always Been a Great Father’ | US Weekly

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

13) “We Chatted With Your Favorite ‘Bachelor’ Contestants — Here Are Their Most Memorable Moments From The Show” | RantHollywood.com

14) The Bachelor’s Jubilee Fires Back in Women Tell All: Remarks About My Date ‘Shocked Me’ | US Weekly

Tonight is The Women Tell All and I am SO EXCITED IT’S MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF EVERY SEASON OMG I CANNOT WAIT IT’S GOING TO BE SO FREAKING GOOD.

Here’s a lil’ taste of what happens when Jubilee lets the girls have it:

“And then I watch it back, and it’s like, ‘Ugh, she’s not going to come back.’ ‘Oh, my gosh — I bet Ben’s just dying in that little box up in the sky,’ you know?” she continues.

Shushanna bluntly replies, “Let’s be honest — a lot of girls did not want you to come back.”

Uh, can someone please tell Shushanna to SHUSH the eff up?

Also, I see that Amber and Jamie learned to be more sympathetic:

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It’s kind of hilarious that no one actually likes these ladies, specially because of their actions on that night, and they still feel like they get to be bitches about this.

The Live Tweeting tonight, you guys. THE LIVE TWEETING THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN REACTION TO THIS.

15) The Bachelor’s Olivia Breaks Down at ‘Women Tell All’ After Hearing Others Didn’t ‘Respect’ Her | US Weekly

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

Also, check out this video:

16) The Bachelor’s Olivia on Watching Herself With Ben Higgins: ‘It’s Embarrassing’ | US Weekly

Olivia says she feels that she was “misunderstood” during her stint on the show.

“I think my sarcasm and my dry humor was interpreted sometimes [as] ‘I’m crazy’ or something,” she says. “And there were some situations that played out differently than they happened, but I just don’t think I ever made it to air. Like, the real me.”

That’s what everybody says. Just write a tell-all book and then we’ll like you.

17) Who’s the Best Bachelor of All Time? Find Out If Ben Higgins Made the Cut | E! Online

I absolutely agree with their #1 pick. But I feel like Jason Mesnick shoulda beat out Chris Soules…Jason’s single-father bawl-fest was adorable and waaaaay better than dopey Chris.

18) ‘The Bachelor’s’ chance to break its diversity stalemate | USA Today

USA Today makes the case for Jubilee as Bachelorette.

(Though, not to quibble, Juan Pablo wasn’t actually “the one non-white star” of the franchise. Juan Pablo was white…he was just from another country where Spanish was the primary language.

19) The Bachelor’s Amanda Stanton Reveals Why She Has a Hunch About Who Ben Higgins Will Choose | Glamour.com

Yeah. We ALL have a hunch.

20) The Bachelor Ben Higgins – Women Tell All – Does Lace Have a Secret Admirer?

It’s weird how so many of us loathed and laughed at Lace while she was on the show, but somehow she managed to smoothly move into the position of Fan Favorite, much like Onion Ashley. And I’m right there with you.

But there was also this, which completely just made my week:

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And that’s it for linx this week! The Women Tell All is on tonight, and I’m going to try to live tweet along with you during the actual broadcast, but I miiiiight be doing it on West Coast time, depending on what time my pals come over for the viewing party. I also usually don’t do recaps for The Women/Men Tell All episodes, just because it’s like doing a recap of a talk show which both harder and less fun than a carefully edited narrative about finding love with multiple women, but I’ll let you know how I feel about it on Twitter tomorrow.

You can follow me on Twitter, keep up wit’ my Facebook Page, or subscribe to my once-a-week email newsletter instead of hoofing it over here every other day to see what’s up. I’ll be creepin’ on all your live tweets tonight via my Bachelor Master List, which you can also follow. 

And because shameless self-promotion is the only way I make money with this shiz, check out my novel THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE on Amazon. People – ones I don’t even know, even! – seem to like it! 

Until tonight, bachelor babes, keep it 100 on the hot tubs, bikinis, and wine tears!

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About Amber L.

Hi! I'm Amber. I've been telling stories with books and blogs since 2004. I also spent 10 years working as a behavior therapist, which I now put to proper use by publishing thought pieces and dissertations on '80s pop music and the defining TV shows of our current times ('The Bachelor', 'Vanderpump Rules', etc). I can also be credited with single-handedly ruining the city of Portland, OR just by moving here.

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